Biden Pledges to ‘Instant Message’ America as Soon as He Remembers AOL Password

(Wilmington, DE) – It’s been nearly a week since America has heard from Democratic Presidential front-runner Joe Biden, who has secluded himself at home with his wife amid the Coronavirus pandemic.

The Fake Scoop reached out to Biden for comment explaining his absence.

“They told me we can’t hold rallies anymore because of the Ebola,” Biden told TFS. 

The CDC has recommended that Americans avoid gatherings of more than 10.

“My last rally had 12 people RSVP so we had to cancel,” Biden said.

Digital Divide

Biden says his staffers tell him that he can make appearances via the internet.

“They say I’ve gotta log onto the America Online but I can’t remember my password,” Biden lamented.

Another impediment may be the antiquated 56k modem still used in the Biden household.

“Every time Jill gets a phone call I get disconnected,” the former Vice President complained.