California Officials Shocked Consumers Would Rather Pay 70% Less for Black Market Cannabis

Photo: Cannabis. AKA: the devil’s weed

(LOS ANGELES, CA – ) As marijuana legalization measures continue to be rolled out across the nation, some officials in California are facing a shocking revelation: that most users are unwilling to pay the often 70% premium for legal weed.

“We just don’t get it,” said Department of Consumer Affairs official Gary Jackson. “Why would cannabis users choose to use the same substantially less expensive sources they have used for years, when they have the opportunity to pay taxes to the government that has long been persecuting them?”

“Sure you could call your dealer and he’d be over to your house in 20 minutes, but we’ve got a store you can go and wait in line in – assuming you can find parking of course,” Jackson continued.

Purity Tests 

Jackson stressed that the potency and purity of black market cannabis is an unknown factor, and that regulatory agencies work hand in hand with the legal market.

“We’ve got this group of guys down at CDPH [California Department of Public Heath] who personally test every new batch that comes in,” Jackson told The Fake Scoop. “And they just don’t smoke bowls. They also use bongs, blunts, hookahs,  steamrollers – even vaporizers.”

“It’s all very scientific”, Jackson added.

A Stoner’s View

The Fake Scoop caught up with Saffron Rabbitdream, 24, selling fidget spinners to tourists near the Hollywood Stars.

When asked why he chooses to continue to purchase marijuana illegally, Rabbitdream wasn’t sure.

“I know people think that habitual pot users have all sorts of extra money to throw away, and they’re right,” he began. “I guess we’re just too stupid to know what’s best for us.”