Lone Remaining Blockbuster Store Receives $32 Million In Bailout Funds

(Bend, Oregon) – A little noticed section of the $2 trillion CARES act provides slightly over $32 million to the near-defunct Blockbuster Video, a careful inspection of the legislation reveals.

The once indomitable video rental giant has only one store remaining in the United States – a privately owned holdout in the central Oregon city of Bend.

Late Fees Waived

“Of course Blockbuster deserves the money,” the amendment’s sponsor Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) told The Fake Scoop via telephone. “How else are people supposed to watch movies?”

“Just remember to be kind and rewind,” the 87-year-old legislator added.

Cash Windfall

The loan in the amount of $32,004,538 does not have to be paid back if it is used for employee payroll.

“Sounds like I’m getting a raise,” the store’s only employee, 31-year-old Micheal Haldeman, told TFS.