Federal Reserve Urges Americans to Buy Bitcoin

Photo: Enough cash to get one item off of McDonald’s Dollar Menu

(New York, New York) – In a move that threatens the stability of the bond market, Federal Reserve chair Jerome Powell came out today with some unexpected advice for Americans: trade in your US Dollars for the free-market cryptocurrency known as Bitcoin.

“Honestly, we don’t know what we’re doing,” Powell told reporters via a Wednesday afternoon conference call. “Just yesterday my cat stepped on my keyboard and accidentally created $7 billion. Of course we were forced to distribute the money to our corporate cronies immediately.”

Bitcoin, currently priced just under $7800, has had a wild ride since its inception following the 2008 financial crisis. But, says Powell, the risk is negligible compared to that of holding Federal Reserve Notes.

“We have over $20 trillion in ‘Quote Unquote’ ‘debt'”, Powell said near the halfway point of the call. “I’ll let you in on a little secret: we’re not paying that back.”

Difficult to Obtain

Asked where Americans might be able to purchase Bitcoin, Powell became elusive.

“I think you have to buy it off of some Japanese guy,” he said. “I don’t really know – my grandson gets it for me.”