Federal Reserve Holds Funeral for U.S. Dollar

(New York, New York) – The Novel Coronavirus has claimed yet another victim, the Federal Reserve Board of Governors announced Friday.

Federal Reserve Note, nicknamed U.S. Dollar, was born in 1913 in Jeckyl Island, Georgia to an assortment of oligarchs. He rose to prominence following the Second World War, and began to fade after he parted ways with his business partner (named Gold) in the early 1970s.

He was pronounced deceased this week following the House and Senate’s passage of an unfunded $2 trillion stimulus plan meant to counter the effects of the Coronavirus-related economic downtown.


“We’re pretty sure it’s already dead, but the politicians tell me there’s already another bill on the way just in case,” Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell told The Fake Scoop.

Survived By

Many Americans may be surprised to learn that the U.S. Dollar has a young granddaughter ready to take over in his absence.

“Her name is Bitcoin,” Powell offered begrudgingly.