‘Contact-less Drop Off’ Convinces Recently Unemployed to Buy New Cars

(Detroit, MI – ) Despite tens of millions of Americans finding themselves suddenly out of work amid the Coronavirus pandemic, the nation’ s auto manufactures are confident they’ve hit on a winning formula to avoid any interruption in sales.

“The plan is to offer the recently unemployed public the option to have us drop their new car off without human contact,” industry consultant Robert Chaney told The Fake Scoop. “We’ll also offer them 3-months interest free financing for those who qualify.”

“We’ve always offered that but we’ll make it sound like it’s because of the virus,” Chaney added.

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The option to purchase a car online and have it delivered touch free is not just for new car buyers.

“Why buy a used car on Craigslist for $3000 when you can get a Certified Pre-Owned Lexus with contact-less drop off starting at only $17999?,” Lexus executive Edward Michaud told TFS. “We’ll take your stimulus money as a down payment.”

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“The main thing we want is consumers to understand that we’re there for them,” Chaney told this reporter. “Just as long as the check clears.”