(New York, New York) – Just hours after resigning his cable news post, longtime MSNBC political commentator Chris Matthews has met with a gruesome fate in New York City’s Central Park.
Police say that after his on air resignation, Matthews left the Rockefeller Center studio and decided to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather with a walk in the park.
“He just wanted to clear his head,” NYPD Communications Officer Emilio Dubard told The Fake Scoop. “But as soon as he stepped on the grass he was accosted by a man in a Che Guevara shirt.”
Speedy Trial
Matthews was given a short trial in which he was accused of being insufficiently dedicated to the revolutionary cause.
“For implying that we are violent extremists, we sentence you to death,” the ski-mask wearing jury foreman told Matthews.
No Volunteers
As of press time Matthews corpse remains lying just south of the Strawberry Fields memorial site. There were plans to bury him in the area, but no one has yet to begin the process of shoveling into the frozen ground.
“We’ll get to it tomorrow,” said Sanders Supporter Steven Tillson, 34.