Pet Psychics, Sign Spinners Declare Their Jobs Essential

(Los Angeles, CA) – Fed-up with staying at home, a number of so-called “non-essential” workers are planning on returning to work on Monday, The Fake Scoop has learned.

Pet psychics across the state say they are willing to risk arrest in order to practice their profession.

“It’s just not the same over Zoom,” Baldwin Park “animal communicator” Estelle Manley told TFS.

Dedicated Employees

Sign spinners – human billboards who entertain motorists while advertising retail outlets – have also indicated they’ve had enough.

“It doesn’t matter if the stores are closed and there’s no traffic in the intersection: I’m going to work,” spinner Glenn Frese of Anaheim wrote on Facebook.

Unemployment Stinks

The desire to resume routines appears to cut across the spectrum of useless occupations.

“I don’t care if unemployment pays more than I ever made working,” restroom attendant Darryl Rivera told the LA TIMES. “I’d do anything to get back to that job.”