The Moon Cancels The Tides Over Coronavirus Fears

(Earth’s Moon, Milky Way Galaxy) – After 4.3 billion years, it appears to be the end of an era.

“I’m sorry to report that I’ll be canceling the tides, effective immediately,” The Man on the Moon told The Fake Scoop.

Leading geologists have expressed concern over the Moon’s decision.

“I thought we were cool!”, Dr. Edward Delossantos of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology screamed into the sky.

Surfers Shocked

“I woke up all amped, threw on my baggies, grabbed my board, went to the surf, and there were no bombs,” complained 19-year-old Wavehog Willie of San Diego.

Racial Divide

Celebrities on Twitter were quick to blame the Moon’s abrupt decision on the color of its terrain.

“Leave it to the White Moon to overreact like this,” wrote Rosie O’Donald.

“I also have a dark side,” the Celestial Body tweeted in its defense.