(Washington, D.C. -) Amid reports of a second mortal threat emerging out of Asia, the federal government has announced their intention to pit the Chinese Coronavirus against the Japanese Murder Hornets in a “fight to the death”.
The tentative plans call to trap the Murder Hornets in buildings where the Coronavirus is known to loiter – mainly nursing homes. At which point government officials will padlock the doors from the outside and hope for the best.
What if the murder hornets end up killing the novel Coronavirus before it can kill the murder hornets?
“That works too,” an Agricultural Department official told The Fake Scoop.
New Aid Package On Way
The $1.3 trillion STING act is set to provide assistance to those suffering due to the Murder Hornets. It is not necessary to have been attacked by murder hornets in order to qualify for funds – simply knowing about them is enough.
“We’re all victims here,” President Trump said in a live prime time address on the matter.