(Auburn Hills, MI) – With grass exceeding 6″ in length, neighbors in this tight-knit suburb of Detroit are beginning to whisper.
“I can’t go out there,” family-man Andrew Marion says of his lawn that hasn’t been mowed since last September. “Not with the ‘rona lurking about.”
The Fake Scoop caught up with the patriarch shortly after he returned from an outing to Walmart.
“I only got the essentials,” Marion told TFS, holding up a large bag of Funyuns as proof.
Marion’s paralyzing fear of Coronavirus appears to be relegated to certain arenas.
“He won’t take out the trash to drop it at the curb when he goes for a beer run,” complains wife Lindsey. “He says it’s too dangerous.”
No Big Rush
Marion says not to worry about his lawn. He told this reporter that he would “get to it in a year or two” if and/or when a vaccine becomes available.
“I’m not going to risk my life to do some chores,” the healthy 42-year-old said.