Construction Company Hired to “Flatten the Curve” Says They Can’t Find It

(Washington, D.C.) – Nearly six weeks into what was supposed to be a two-week project, the construction company hired by the federal government to “flatten the curve” of Coronavirus deaths has hit a brick wall.

“We can’t even find the damn thing,” project supervisor Shawn Matthews told The Fake Scoop.

Nation Demands Answers

“This is unacceptable. We gave them over a trillion dollars to get this done,” Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) wrote on Twitter, referring to the newly created Beltway Construction Corporation.

“They need to hurry up and flatten it already,” 38-year-old software developer Christopher Tingley told TFS“I can’t keep spending all day around my wife and kids.”

“I just can’t,” he insisted.

Prognosis Grim

In the meantime Americans will have to continue waiting to see if the curve is ever found so that it may be successfully flattened.

“It could be another two weeks, or it could be 40 more years,” infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci told CNN. “What do I know?”