(Sacramento, CA) – Dissatisfied with Californians flaunting ‘social distancing’ by flooding the state’s beaches in recent days, California governor Gavin Newsome announced Wednesday that he has had the surviving members of the Beach Boys musical group arrested.
“Brian Wilson, Mike Love, and Al Jardine – they’re sitting behind bars right now,” Newsome told reporters. “I hope you’re happy California. You brought this on yourself.”
“I understand why he did it – it’s for our own good – but wouldn’t it be nice if there were another way?,” Mary Kraft, 53, told The Fake Scoop outside Raley’s Supermarket. Kraft had come to the family-owned grocery store in order to buy two year’s worth of toilet paper.
“I hope it’s enough,” she said.
“I think Pet Sounds is over-rated,” Sacramento District Judge Richard Flores told the defendants. “Bail denied.”