Buttigieg Declares Self Victorious Over Trump in 2020 Election

(South Bend, Ind.) – Former South Bend Mayor Pete Buttgieg shocked political observers early Tuesday morning when he declared victory over President Donald Trump in the 2020 General Election contest.

“As far as I can tell I’ve won,” Buttigieg told reporters via conference call. “We’re moving into the White House in January.”

“My husband and I have already started to pick out new drapes,” he added.

Some Pushback

The general election not being held for another 272 days has resulted in minor questioning of Buttigieg’s victory announcement.

“I’m not going to dignify the haters with a response,” Buttigieg said of the Republican criticism.

It’s Over

The Associated Press has reported that following the announcement Buttigieg’s rivals have returned to their civilian lives. Warren has gone back to the Reservation, Sanders to Cuba, and Biden to the nursing home.

President Trump, meanwhile, has initiated plans to go back to his deluxe apartment in the sky in a giant building with his name on it.