Jill Biden Says Husband Joe Is Neither Clean Nor Articulate

(Wilmington, DE) – It’s bath time at the Biden household, and the former Vice President is nowhere to be found.

“I’ve got the tub filled up with warm water, but Joe’s wandered off again,” an exasperated Jill Biden told The Fake Scoop. “He can’t skip it again this week. He’s starting to smell like mothballs.”

Early Bird Special

TFS caught up with the perennial presidential candidate at a Golden Corral restaurant a few miles from his home.

“I’ll take the food from the menu,” Biden told his bewildered waitress. ““You know, the thing.”

Debate Commission Prepares

A spokesperson for the Commission on Presidential Debates wrote on Twitter that they are planning for all possible contingencies.

“The moderators will carry bottles of Febreeze,” the verified account tweeted, “and Joe will be provided with emoji flashcards.”