Bernie Sanders Announces He’ll Be His Own Vice President

(Washington, D.C.) – Democratic front-runner and socialist curmudgeon Bernie Sanders shocked the political world on Tuesday afternoon, announcing that if he were to win the Democratic nomination, he would decline to choose a running mate.

“I don’t need anyone else,” Sanders toldĀ The Fake Scoop. “Did Joseph Stalin have a running mate?”

“Probably but I bet he didn’t last long,” Sanders said with a laugh.

Pelosi Pleased

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) appeared to advocate for the idea on her Twitter account.

“My support of Bernie’s approach has nothing to do with being third in line for the Presidency,” Pelosi wrote on the social media platform. “That’s a right wing conspiracy theory.”

Constitutional Questions

“This action is probably admissible under the Commerce Clause,” CNN chief legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin told a recent panel. “But the lack of diversity of a Sanders/Sanders candidacy is certainly problematic.”