Photo: Bernie Sanders showing off his recent gift from the People of Venezuela
(LAKE CHAMPLAIN, VT) – Expressing bewilderment, Vermont Senator and Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders finally broke his silence today regarding the volatile situation in Venezuela.
“I don’t understand what everyone is so upset about. I mean what’s the problem? Maduro’s rich. I’ll tell you what, he wouldn’t be caught dead in a shack like this,” Sanders said, referring to his 4 bedroom lakeside vacation home.
“It’s all the fault of the evil Imperial United States of America”, Sanders continued.
“They’re forcing Maduro to act out. Sean Penn tells me he’s a lovely guy.”
While the situation deteriorates in the once wealthy nation, Sanders appeared unfazed.
“Conservatives got on me because I said that breadlines are a good thing. Now there’s no breadlines in Venezuela and they’re mad about that. They need to make up their mind!”
Political analysts say that Sanders has recently lost ground to South Bend, Ind. Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Failed Senate Candidate Robert “Beto” O’ Rourke in the all-important “uninformed hipster” demographic.