Biden Surrenders U.S. to Native American Tribes

(Tahlequah, Ok -) Astonishment has gripped the nation as once subjugated Native American tribes have rapidly advanced from sea to shining sea.

“Those folks have tomahawks,” the President griped to CNN.

A harried evacuation to Canada has been stymied by the premature abandonment of Buffalo, NY.

The Department of Homeland Security remains confident that “most who want to get out will get out.”

“As of this morning we’ve evacuated 14 million people, including 6,000 American citizens,” a spokesman told The Fake Scoop.

Meanwhile. Hunter Biden has been busy negotiating a deal to sell the island of Manhattan back to natives for $24 worth of beads.

In emails obtained by the New York Post, the President’s son and parmesan cheese aficionado complained about paying out commissions.

“I’m doing all the work here. I don’t see why I should have to give 10% of these beads to The Big Guy,” Hunter Biden wrote to the Lenape chief.

One place where the Native American takeover is being brushed aside is Las Vegas, with tourists and gamblers noticing only positive changes.

“The slot payouts are better, and the drinks don’t seem to be as watered down,” Tom Johnson of Davenport, IA told TFS.