Avocado Shortage Devastates Hipster Community

Photo: Hubert Thorn Elm Smith, 33, of Williamsburg, prepares to put on a bow tie

(Brooklyn, NY -) President Trump has imposed tariffs on Mexico over the facilitation of illegal migration, and hipster’s jeans are getting even skinnier as a result.

“I was with this chipper chuggin’ bronsons, and she asked if I had any of the ‘cado to munch on. But with Trump’s tariffs I no longer have the kale to get the ‘cado. It’s totally fin,” said Hubert Thorn Elm Smith, 33, of Williamsburg.

The Fake Scoop met up with Smith inside the Union Pool, a “Bar, Rock Club, and Taco Place”.

“The taco truck out back wanted to charge me 50 cents more for guac!”, Smith complained, regarding a policy that has been in effect for years.

Although the price increase to the consumer is relatively small at about 5 cents an avocado, hipsters are disproportionately affected – by both the amount they eat and their low-wage occupations such as baristas and thrift store clerks.

“What’s next, Trump’s going to come for our craft beer?”, Smith asked. “Please don’t come for our craft beer.”