Problem Gamblers Demand Government Re-Open Casinos

(Atlantic City, NJ) – With casinos closed amid the Coronavirus pandemic, Atlantic City’s problem gamblers are frustrated that they are being denied the opportunity to lose their life savings.

“Lottery tickets and Keno aren’t draining my bank account fast enough,” 55-year-old aspiring degenerate Fred Wright told The Fake Scoop.

“I tried to illegally gamble online with Bitcoin but couldn’t figure out how to buy it,” Wright added.

Unintended Consequences

Perhaps missed most of all are some of the fringe benefits that casinos offer their loyal patrons.

“The free shrimp cocktail the Hard RockĀ comps me every time I lose $200 is my main source of protein,” another problem gambler – protesting outside the shuttered establishment – told TFS.

There’s Hope

A spokesperson for the Division of Gaming Enforcement (DGE) offered out of work problem gamblers a helpful resource.

“I heard there’s a craps game behind the Tropicana,” he said in response to an inquiry seeking comment.