Report: Google Tracking Data Shows Most Americans Are Tracked By Google

(Mountain View, CA -) – As public health experts pour over data mapping the movements of several hundred million Americans tracked by their Google phones, it has come to the attention of The Fake Scoop that several hundred million Americans are being tracked by their Google phones.

“It really is an incredible phenomenon,” noted TFS Editor-at-Large Tommy Ray-Oatchaser. “This is why I only use ‘Ask Jeeves’.”

Suspicious Movements

Some employees of the Silicon Valley giant have pushed back on the notion that this detailed location data may be misused.

“It’s not like I can see that my ex-girlfriend broke quarantine to go to her new boyfriend’s house at 1 a.m last Friday,” Google engineer Nathan Corbett wrote on Twitter.  “That bitch.”

No Exceptions

On a Wednesday conference call, Apple’s Tim Cook talked up his company’s surveillance capabilities.

“Xi Jinping is jealous of me,” the CEO boasted to shareholders.